


Oh I Might Just Try

by HisRoyalBesottedness



Category: The Hobbit (1977), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, M/M, Song Inspired, Suicide, i think we all need a hug after BOTFA, i'm sorry ;-;, modern!AU, only for the brave, really angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-01-08
Packaged: 2018-03-06 17:21:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3142502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HisRoyalBesottedness/pseuds/HisRoyalBesottedness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been years now that Thorin has been alone after Bilbo was killed in a accident and the cant take the silence anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh I Might Just Try

**Author's Note:**

> Well this happened ._. I was listening to the song Bullet from Hollywood Undead, and it inspired me to write this ^^  
> I STRONGLY suggest to listening to the song while reading ^^ especially near the end. ^^   
> Warnings! : Suicide, Depression and Angst. 
> 
> Enjoy i guess ^^

Its been years now. The apartment was always rank with the stench of alcohol and cigarette smoke and cluttered beyond the hope of saving. But i have never been able to clean, Bilbo was good at cleaning... and cooking. Everything. 

I rubbed my eyes lazily and tried to remember him.

'It was a really snowy day. Bilbo and I were picking up groceries for christmas dinner the next day. His cheeks and nose was red from the cold air and his pants came out of his mouth in wispy huffs as we walked to the market. Dís, Vili and the lads would be coming over. We talked on our way, he was smiling. 

That lovely smile that made his eyes crinkle at the edges and his dimples appear. I miss that. Soon we were discussing the location and cake flavours for our wedding that would be held in the coming March. Bilbo didn't like the cold of winter, never has. Bilbo wanted to get married at The Shire Catholic Church and have carrot cake made by Farmer Maggot in the house across from our apartment block.

While i had no qualms with the cake idea,(Farmer Maggots carrot cake was the stuff of legends). I wanted to marry Bilbo at Erebor Manor, a couple of kilometers out of town. We argued to and fro for a while till we reached the store. "Book us a table at the Prancing Pony while i go get the last few things at the market, i'm hungry again" he smiled at me like he always does and shooed me into the Pub and Inn laughing. 

Little did i know then, that, that was to be the last time i'd see him smile.

Table booked at our favourite window looking out over the flowerboxes i waited for him to come. I was idly stiring my coffee when it happened, i looked up just in time to see. Bilbo was crossing the road to the pub with a paper bag laden with groceries. The truck heading down the road saw the red light too late, the tires slid across the icy road screaming for grip. Bilbo was taken under.

I sat still, frozen, the pub-goers gasping in horror and rushing towards the truck. I stood clumsily and ran over the curb to the middle of the road. The groceries were scattered around him when i spot his messy mop of curls lying face down on the road. I stumbled to where he lay, knelt down and shook his shoulder. "Bilbo" my voice cracking and soft. I shook harder, swallowed and tried again, "Bilbo!" 

No answer. No movement.

.........................

"He died on impact and did not suffer." The doctor recited to me monotoniously. Dís was beside me in the hospital chairs. Eyes cried red and her make-up running. I did not cry, and i only bearly heard what the doctor said, my eyes were locked on the white sheet covering him. I stood suddenly,made my way to the hospital cot, not minding the doctor's startled face, and pulled the sheet down to his shoulders. His eyes were open, and wide, the pretty blue now matching his pale lips. Was he afraid before it happened? His eyes were wide so it must be. What was he thinking about just before? I ran my hand through his hair. 'Bilbo.' '

That was two years ago, a lot has happened since then. Every day has been hell. A constant cycle of sleepless night, work, get drunk. It's been almost 8 months since i've seen Dís and the lads. They loved him, but Kíli the youngest at age 5 took a shine to me. I miss them, but i just can't bring myself to leave in the summer weather with my wrists in view. It started as a temporary release, but now i have the milky scars to show for it. 

But today everything would end.

I made sure to lock the door and wait on the couch until the time came.

suddenly the phone jingle rang through the apartment, i groaned and reached for it half heartedly. I almost didn't answer it at all.

"Hello, Thorin speaking." I muttered dully  
"Thorin! Hello!" 'Dís'   
"How can i help you Dís?" I lay back down on the couch. Looking at the sun set through our-, my tiny window. "Did you really forget again?! It is Kíli and Fíli's kindergarden concert! It starts in 20 minutes! Get your butt off your couch and get here! I promised Kíli that uncle Thorin would be here!" I sighed heavily. "Okay i'll be there soon" I lied. She was relieved "see you soon!" 

"Goodbye Dís" *beep*

The gun was new, i bought it a month ago. A simple 9mm, it'll do the job.  
the sky was a darkening blue when i finally locked our- my bedroom door. I sat on the bed and put the gun to my temple.

'Bilbo' 

I pulled the trigger.

...........

Not far away, Kíli was on stage preforming his number dressed as a little gap-toothed catterpillar, Fíli along with him dressed as a sunflower with round red cheeks. Kíli looked for Uncle Thorin as he sang. 

" I wish that i could fly, way up in the sky,  
Like a bird so high,  
Oh i might just try,   
I wish that i could fly, way up in the sky,   
Like a bird so high,  
Oh i might just try,  
Oh i might just try. "

**Author's Note:**

> Well i made myself cry with this ;-;


End file.
